If He Only Knew...

Good Day, Invisible World of readers, whose populace likely equals a grand total of FIVE, namely my husband, my mother, my father, my sister, and myself.

1.) My husband, who surely tires of the rantings and ravings of his not-so-sane wife but remains interested and supportive because he knows his wife needs constant reassurance that she is not insane, even though both he and I know she is.

2.) My mother, because, well, she is my mother. And virtually anything I do or say gets her avid interest and stamp of approval, because she, too, did what I can only now understand: sacrificed her body, her mind, her life to a little alien creature who invaded and conquered her world with no regard for its previous ruler. And whom she thankfully chose to love and cherish and dote on with little or no thanks in return, finding it all worth it because she was molding a little person into the functional (or maybe not-so-functional) adult which you now find before you.

3.) My father, because he has always been my buddy and always will be, and he appreciates and gets that my sarcasm and banter are a light-hearted way to ventilate and process the harder things in life (rather than finding my diatribes cynical and whiny like others might).

4.) My sister, because sisters are the best friends who don't judge, listen even when it's not interesting, help you laugh when you feel like crying, and remind you that they've always known you didn't have it all together, so what's the big deal that you don't have it all together now that you're a mom?

And 5.) Myself, because yes, it’s therapy for the Mommy Brain. Re-reading my own accounts of my days helps take the pressure off and remind me of the pure comedy of life’s daily grind. (Plus, hopefully by the fourth re-reading I’ll catch all the things I probably shouldn’t have confessed to the Cyberworld at large the first time around. A reason to be grateful I only have five readers.)

So yes, this shall be my place to release the inner thoughts and musings of a first-time mommy struggling to reconcile the adult on the outside with the little girl inside who is staring wide-eyed at the oncoming bus of parenthood wondering why in the world anyone entrusted her with the care of this tiny human being who seems to think she has the answers. If he only knew…